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I am as greedy as them


We talk a lot about the greed of others, especially politicians, bankers and other such humanity-let-downs, but I recently discovered I have the same quality of greed.

My overwhelming desire to be a full-time artist, writer, teacher, and healer is creating pleasant fantasies of; everyone knows me as a pro artist, writer, healer and teacher; ninety nine percent of people love me and my work; I am like Michael Jackson, known all over Earth; I am super rich, though I want to use three quarters of my money to help others; my profession continues to grow like breeding cats; I have everything I want, exactly how I want it, when I want it etc…

Maybe you can spot the difference, but the core of this desire is the same. More of everything! Therefore, what creates greed?
1)    Is it human nature? We are fucked up from the start (by the devil of course).
2)    Emotional gaps inside us that need to be filled, so we desire external fillers of money, power, fame, love, sex, food, alcohol, drugs, children, etc…
3)    We do not understand life, or how to live, hence we think living is acquiring more. This ‘more’ as we all know never, ever stops.
4)    We are out of tune with the nature of being alive. We do not know how to trust ourselves and we sure as hell on the sun are not going to trust anyone or anything else. Just give us more. That will sort all our problems out!


So, wising myself up, I experienced a few interesting things that show me practically, that more is not better:
1)    I applied to a number of holistic centres to rent a room. Only one replied, but that was all I needed. I like the place.
2)    I applied to a lot of colleges and art teachers for a life modelling opportunity. One gave me a chance and that was all I needed. It was the best teacher and class to start my first modelling experience.
3)    I found that an open mind allows me to know through my heart that I will receive what I need, when I need it, literally the way I need it. With this open mind state, I am in a much better position to reap the fruits of my hard efforts and to successfully pick the fruits of “coincidental” opportunities. Though I have all my goals written down in fine detail, I am working on accepting that ‘Goal X’ might not happen the way it is written, because I change, the world changes and ‘Goal X’ manifesting the way it has been documented might not be helpful to my growth. It seems my logical mind is in the valley with a limited view, but my heart/ intuition/soul are at the top of the mountain with much-extended views. From this perspective their time is different from my time/logical mind’s time, which causes jetlag frustration (still working on this).

Am I as greedy as them? Yes, but I am changing.

I am nice. Take me with you...
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